Lucas

From the diary of Michel Groenenstijn, about his volunteer work in South Africa.

Last Tuesday afternoon, I went to the Dream Centre, the hospice where patients in the last phase of AIDS are treated, often until they die. When I entered it was a bit of shock; there's a very depressing atmosphere, that gives you a very strange feeling when combined with the fact that people actually die here.

I started visiting the patient's rooms (with 2 to 4 people per room and single rooms when the end is very near) with Antony, a guy from the UK that has been here for over four months. In the beginning it was very uncomfortable, to just start talking to a stranger without a real reason. But, recommended by Antony, I had brought my guitar - most patients loved it.

That afternoon, I spent a long time with Lucas, a guy of 27 that lay in a room by himself. When I started playing for him, his face completely brightened up, and when I started playing Tears in Heaven, a huge smile emerged on his face and he closed his eyes to listen. He asked me to play that song again at least four times that afternoon, and every time the same thing happened. When I told him I'm from Holland he wanted to know what it looks like: "flat and a lot of grass". He told me he'd like to visit Holland once, when he felt better, and later on that afternoon he closed his eyes twice and mumbled "ah, Holland". In short, very impressive.

[...]

Friday was my last day here, and it started with a second visit to the school in Molweni (one of the volunteers had printed pictures and wanted to give them to the kids). In the afternoon I went to the Dream Centre with two other volunteers, to say goodbye to Lucas, who I wrote about in my previous story. [...]

When we came to the ward on Friday and went to Lucas' room, it was empty and the bed was made. A funny feeling came upon us, and when we went to ask the nurse, Lucas was gone; "up, not out", was all she told us.

Lucas' death made a really big impression on me; not because I knew him so well or was so close to him, but because now all of a sudden, more than before, I realize how cruel it is and how quick it can go. Last week I was talking to someone who, even though far from healthy, believed he was going to get better, learn how to play guitar and wanted nothing more than to visit Holland.

However, all three of us were glad we had experienced it; however hard and sad it is, it's part of life here and it gives you a new understanding of what HIV/AIDS is doing here in South Africa.

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